Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
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So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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