Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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