How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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