Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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