I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Screwed.edu
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
