i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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