Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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