She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize