peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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