So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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