He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm sobbing to NWA
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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