he puts the penis in happiness.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
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You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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