Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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