It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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