A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
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she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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