A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize