I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
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Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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