The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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