Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize