I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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