I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize