it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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