Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I see more hoeing in ur future
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