If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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