all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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