I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
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Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
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I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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