Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
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I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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