The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
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So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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