No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Mom said you looked used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize