no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
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Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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