i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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