I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
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