I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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