I wish I could teleport
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize