Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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