respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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