I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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