i think my tv is drunk
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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