what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize