So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
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He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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