You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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