you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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