you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
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My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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