my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
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