Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize