You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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