He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize