Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize