walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
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No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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