You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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