hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
her facebook's as public as her vagina
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Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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