im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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