Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
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I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize