I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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