I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
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Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
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Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize